New Agey B.S.

It is the end of an era.

For a good while now, I have been writing horoscopes for the masses at Comedy Central’s mobile site. We called it Uncle Louie’s Crystal Balls. As of a few months ago, Uncle Louie went out of business, but you can still visit him and his fellow astrologers Suzanne Mekulvic and P. Perp the Prophet Talker, frozen in time, because the internet is forever.

The upside: now that Uncle Louie’s LLC is no more, you can get our back stock of horoscopes (previously only available via a subscription with T-mobile), upon request! By which I mean I can show you writing samples of them, informally and without compensation. Here are a few. There are literally thousands more where that came from.

The second upside…? I’m still writing quizzes for Comedy Central (among other things), doing my part to keep productivity down across the United States and Canada. Here’s one. And here’s one. Oh, here’s another one.

Go forth, into truth and not into ignorance.